Lance's Funeral

We had Lance's funeral on June 20, 2007. It was rough and I lost it a few times. I kept my composure until we were standing guard of the casket while all the friends and family said goodbye in the funeral home. Lance's mom broke down and cried and screamed. I had tears.

We held the casket which wasn't as heavy as I thought, and the two doors to the funeral home opened up to the entire Lodi Fire Department saluting us. I wanted to cry but kept my composure.

We went to the firehouse where we backed in and they raised the bay doors for his final call. The Lodi dispatcher read off a great speech which i put on LodiFire.com, and I watched as grown men wept like kids.

We brought him to the crematorium and that was that. I never completely lost composure but I had eyes full of tears the entire day - especially at the church where the friends and family touched the casket to say goodbye and AJ handed Maggie Lance's helmet. I've seen that in movies, recently in Ladder 49, but to see it in life touches your heart. It was very hard to experience.

Lance Died

Saturday night I got a call from AJ telling me that actions were being taken to take Lance off his respirator. A few hours later I got confirmation that he had passed.

I went down to the firehouse and stayed with the guys for a bit. The following day, I confirmed with the chief that I wanted to be a pall bearer for Lance's casket. He will be cremated and Greg will take his urn with him until the first house fire. This was Lance's wish for years going back, one he never wrote down but had made a point to us on a few different occassions.

He, ironically, had made me put together a memorial piece for the website with bagpipes playing Amazing Grace just in case someone died on the Fire Dept. He is the second person to make use of the memorial.

Another piece of irony is that directly under Lance's memorial picture is the picture you see to the left, which was him at his last house fire, the basement fire on John St. where I smashed my thumb.

The next two days are going to be extremely tough. I am not prepared to see his little boy, Jake. Also, this will be my first Fire Department funeral, so I am in no way prepared for what I am about to experience.

Lance (pt 1)

Friday evening, while at the race track, I received a phone call from John P that, as my friend Stephanie says, turned my face immediately white. Lance had a stroke and was in very bad shape. I went down to the fire house asap and waited with the guys until 3am, receiving bits of info here and there and sharing some beers and concerns. I woke up Saturday morning to the tones going off for an emergency meeting at HQ, which I thought would be it.

At the meeting, I saw my own fire chief, one of the toughest men I know, weep over his best friend's condition. I fought tears as much as I could but when I drove back to my house, I put the car in park in the driveway and cried harder than I have in years. I came inside and ate like a mongrel, and went back to the firehouse to finish cleaning up. I went home to catch an hour's nap, which never happened b/c Kate was home with my cousin and little sister, but I did manage to sleep for about 10 mins.

Upon returning to the firehouse, 6 of us took an awkward car ride to the hospital to visit lance. Greg and AJ tried to prepare us outside, and they did the best they could. We all walked like soldiers, in 2 lines wearing the same company shirt, into the room and said our goodbyes and thank you's.

I thanked him for everything he's given me and taught me, and for always having my back. He defended me whenever people got on my back about the website, or about a judgement call at a firecall, or whatever. He was always there and this is not easy in any way.

Last night a priest came by Greg's house to talk to us, but he was little help. I explained my frustration at this point because we are all problem solvers, that's what we do, but now Lance has a problem and we can't solve it. We can't help him. Even though he always helped us, we can't do anything for him and that sucks - bad.

Maybe it was the caffeine or maybe not but I barely slept last night, I fell asleep around 3, got up at 4 to go to the bathroom, and slept okay from 430 to 630. It's hitting me hard and I'm very depressed over this. I told my mom, and I felt weird but it's true - this has hit me much harder than when my own grandmother passed - being that at least we expected that. Also, Lance was a brother and a great friend to me, and I looked up to him greatly.

The near future will be extremely difficult.

Tower or Frying Pan?

Last night we had the second of 4 nights of Rolling Response in Firefighter 2. It was very tiresome. They started by doing a live burn using pallettes on the first floor. The fire got cranking and we could feel the heat from the door frame. The first evolution put me with Jack and some other kid onto the third floor, where we did a search, went down a flight, searched the second floor and came out - a little warm, not bad.

Then they sent us in teams of 2, after adding a few more pallettes to the can. The stairwells were acting as chimneys, and that was no joke as the temperature on the stairs was probably around 400 degrees. Up to the second, crawl around room, meet, back to the light, stand, up to the third, rinse lather and repeat. We did this on 4 consecutive flights, exiting the fire escape on the 5th floor.

Let's just say this took about 75% of my energy out completely. Jack was my partner for evolution number 3. Already, the tips of my boots were melted, it felt like there was fire inside my firepants, and I could NOT catch my breath. We tirelessly walked up 5 flights of fire escape stairs, stopping on every platform to rest momentarily. I ended up going in with someone else however.

Upon entering, the floor was hot - I mean really hot. As we got closer to the ground floor, the ground heated up 100x on every floor. By the third floor, it was almost unbearable on my hands and knees, and nearly burning right through my gear. I felt like I was crawling on a frying pan.

When we finally got out (a little early since the kid's bottle ran out), I nearly passed out. I hurriedly took all my gear off except for my fire pants, which I opened to let the burning hot air out. When I went to take a piss, my belt buckle, which was safely under my firepants, was even hot - very hot - to the touch.

RIT Training

Last night up at the firegrounds we had RIT training. Aside from when they made us take a charged 3 inch line up 3 rounded flights of stairs, this was the most daunting, grueling and exhausting task they've had us complete to date. This all took place in the maze in complete darkness.

The first time they had this smaller kid as the victim, Eddie and his friend Whelen from Dumont were the first team in. Jack and I, being the second team in, were waitng outside, communicating via radio. Finally, they asked for our assistance. Jack took off quick leaving me fiddling with the radio behind him. Once I finally got a response, he told me he went through the tunnel so I followed, navigated a turn and immediately got caught up in the wires, which apparently they did a good job adding to and dropping them lower. After about 3 minutes of detangling myself, I finally got to the point where we all met up. I helped hold the wires while they dragged the victim using a rope. I helped jack push the victim through the tunnel when I heard Eddie's low air alarm going off and him screaming that he was entangled in the wires.

Jack yelled at me to stay with him by the front door but I said no, and I went back. Jack followed. We found eddie panicking in the wires with his low air bell going and slowly got him detangled. The wire was snug around the back of his bottle and I probably shoulda just cut it off, an idea that DID strike me but I didn't follow up on it.

The second time I was the victim.

The third run, Jack and I were the first team in. Eddie (fatass) was the victim. My leg cramped while crawling over a mattress coil and getting the RIT pack caught up. Jack waited and when we finally got back together, we continued on to find Eddie laying on his back. I found it very difficult to get through to Jack, who looked like he was panicking a little. He was looking for Eddie's straps and NOT listening at all. After a while I stopped and screamed JACK - LISTEN TO ME. He stopped and looked at me. Finally I got my point across that he should secure Eddie's pack between his legs while I secure the RIT pack. We both got done at the same time with a smooth transition of bottles.

As we started dragging Eddie to the beams, I passed through them and started pulling Eddie when Jack's bell started going off, indicating he was out of air. Immediately I had Jack pass over Eddie and leave the building, while I replaced him. Eddie was a bitch to get out and barely helped. I shoulda punched him in the balls to get him moving. Towards the door we encountered a mattress coil which the guy in front of me held up while I pushed Eddie and his father pulled. Once I was right on the kid, I held the mattress up and told him to continue on.

The fourth and final run, I was second team with Whelen, while the kid and his father were first team, Jack was the victim. After what seemed like 10 minutes, we got called in and I helped the one kid secure Jack's pack on backwards, after slowly realizing they took his other pack completely off. This created a great grip on Jack, who now had 2 handles on his shoulders proving great leverage. To me, this was the smoothest run as we got him out in a few minutes flat.

All in all, this traning was daunting, but effective. A few times when I was out of breath, I felt dizzy and disoriented. I could tell how scary that could be in a real and dangerous environment. Also, I controlled my breathing very well and am proud to say my low air alarm never went off all nite. Others, however, had low air alarms left and right which made the situation very scary and realiastic, seeing how a rescuer can become another victim, or freak out and make things worse. Finally, the physical exhaustion made me realize my legs are not nearly powerful enough to propel me on the ground while dragging someone. They tired easily and my thigh cramped up a few times. Also, even though I polished off a bottle of water prior to the exercise, I felt very dehydrated.

Still, there's no better feeling than ripping off my mask once I'm out of there and getting a good, deep breath of cool fresh air.

John Street Fire

We got a call about 9am on a sunday morning for a basement fire - everyone's out. I got to the firehouse a little bit late and they were just about to roll out without me. I opened the door and threw my gear on then jumped on. I took off my shoes and threw them behind the jumpseats and geared up on the way. I just got finished when we arrived and everyone jumped off. I was a little slow getting off cause i was still putting a pack on.

When i got to the rear of the house, AJ yelled to me and John P to start venting the basement windows. Without gloves, i grabbed a halligan and started uppercuttingi the low windows. Little did i know that i was smashing my bare right thumb between the halligan and the cement window sill on every swing - i was too hyper to notice. In the rear of the house, I showed John my thumb which was now gushing blood and had a purple, swollen nail. Louie R asked if i was still okay to go in - of course i was, and painfully put my fire glove on.

After the (new) chief masked up and went to go in with John P, he decided to have John and I go in to back up the basement crew, which consisted of AJ, John K (nozzle) and my uncle. We followed the hoseline till we came into voice proximity of the crew - thick smoke. I had a short sheetrock pull and john had a short hook. As per AJ's request we started pulling down walls looking for extension. I hit some wires and backed off from that spot. When we rounded the corner we looked up and saw ceiling tiles that were kinda off track - and i could see dancing orange flames behind them.

Some bright soul pulled the tile right above my head and a big fireball engulfed me and John P's helmets. We pulled a way and backed off a bit till they put water on it. John K fog vented and the smoke cleared a bit. I assisted him in pointing out hot spots as he put the rest of it out. When his air ran out, I grabbed the nozzle and soaked the rest of the smouldering wood and fuel down. Holes were ripped in the cieling above our heads big enough that we could watch the truck company working.

As usual, i kept my mask on the entire time till it ran out, even though everyone else unmasked early. I just don't trust that shit.

Pete was there and got good video footage.

Mattress Fire

It was a nice nite out and we got a call around 11pm to smoke in a house. I put a radio on and went upstairs with John K , John P and Jack. When i got into the room (i had a water can) I saw Barkley and Mark from truck co. ripping apart a smouldering mattress and boxspring.

I immediately yelled "lets just get it the fuck out of here" and Mark opened a window. I helped him lift it and throw it out the window (without my gloves, hot water poured over my hands but didnt burn). I then put some water on the box spring and a few guys carried that downstairs.

On the lawn we cut the mattress open further with knives and the probie put water on it.

Radio Fire

We got toned out one weekend afternoon to a fire in the basement. When we got there, I was the first in crew with B. Woods and Ricky. I brought the water can and told them to grab tools. The officer told us there's a lot of smoke but the fire's out.

The basement was filled with smoke and Ricky and I walked around in the haze looking for the fire. Billy found it, in the first bedroom on the right. It was a melted radio on a dresser - the room was completely filled with smoke. It smelt horrible with the burnt plastic so i put my mask on and went on air so i wouldn't inhale that crap.

Billy picked the radio up and had it removed, and we did some overhaul on the dresser and clothing in the room, then vented. Bob B. and Ryan W. came downstairs but went back up when they saw it was all done. I blew black shit out of my nose for hours after.

My first fatality

I was staying over my girlfriend's house and it was snowing heavily. The pager went off about 2:15 AM for reports of a jacknifed trailer on a major highway near her apartment, Route 17. I jumped in my front-wheel drive car and slipped and skidded my way to the firehouse. When I got there, we heard chatter on the radio about a possible fatality. I looked at my Lieutenant with a little bit of fear since I haven't seen one yet. We jumped on the engine very quietly and creeped our way through the snow and ice to the scene.

We parked the engine a little bit down the road and we could see the 18-wheeler that had spun out of control and was jacknifed with the rear of the cab smashed up against a huge concrete divider. It was still very dark so we took some hand-lights and started approaching. The chief called us on the radio that there was no spill therefore no need for any speedy-dry.

As we got closer to the trailer we got better visibility and the windshield was totally knocked out and I could start to see that the driver was hanging out of the front of the cab. Closing in even more, it was evident to me that the top of his head was partially severed and some of its contents had spilled onto the snow in front of the truck. I looked at my Lieutenant and said "...is that what I think it is?" and he said "Yup. Stay with me."

As we walked up to the trailer we confirmed what we thought. He was dead on impact and his head was indeed busted open and its contents were partially exposed. A few of us stood there for a few seconds looking before my Lieutenant told us to go back by the Engine since there was no longer anything we could do. No stabilization of the vehicle was necessary since it was pinned up against the column and there was no extrication to be made until a coroner could get on location, which they said could be several hours. About an hour later we were sent back to the firehouse while the Chief and Police waited for the coroner.

I didn't sleep the rest of that night and images kept popping in my head of what I saw. I called another fireman the next day and talked for about an hour about it. I thought I was the only one affected until we had a meeting at the firehouse the following night to discuss the events. A special trauma team came in to talk to us a few nights later, and they encouraged us to talk more amongst eachother and not to act like tough-guys and bottle the emotions in.

Very difficult to see things like this, whether one has already seen it or if it's just the first time.

Freezing Housefire

There was a fireman's funeral in Carlstadt and I was working at home. About 10:20 AM we get toned out for a basement fire that Police Dept. quickly confirmed. We got to the firehouse and rolled out really light, maybe 3 guys total. This was my second fire out of fireschool so my cherry was popped but I was still hyped up.

It was about 25 degrees out and the wind was whipping fast. We pull up and as I walk down the sidewalk towards the rear, I meet John K, Lou and B. Woods. We get a line stretched to the back and start scotting up as dark smoke is pushing up back at us. There was about 5 steps to the basement, where visibility fell to about 30% in a dark haze. No fire to be found but the smoke was thick.

I dropped down to my knees and realized I was kneeling in about 8 inches of water. Apparently the fire was above us and to the left and was hot enough to melt a water pipe, causing water to flow down the wall. We all searched the basement when the windows were finally taken from the outside. John K stuck the nozzle out a window and fog-vented it and we then realized the burst water main had probably knocked the fire down.

When we went upstairs, we found one room that had no floor as the fire had eaten it up about 50%. Good thing things were clear enough to see this before mistakes were made. When I got out, the sloped driveway was slick with ice from our fog-vent. Down towards the truck, my wet fire jacket froze from the wind until it was a block of ice that i could crack just by bending it.

I left the scene early to get new boots since mine were filled halfway with icy water from the basement. Then John K calls my cell and said everyone on the scene was looking for me. I made the mistake of not telling the officer I was leaving the scene, stupid probie mistake, and I got severely repremanded for it.
Later on, a picture similar to the one on the left won an award and we all got tshirts for free with it on the back.